wineless coping strategies

So, yesterday I got some pretty bad news.  I went in for a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test to see if my tubes are open since we’ve been unable to conceive after trying for over a year now.  I have a history of abdominal surgeries, having had my appendix out at age 19, a tumor (benign) removed from my right ovary, and a uterine fibroid removed a couple years ago.  But, at the time of my last surgery my doctor had said everything should heal up fine and she didn’t foresee any problems.  

Turns out my right ovary ended up basically dying off after the last surgery — just too much intervention they think.  And ironically, the right tube is open but there’s no ovary, and the left ovary is healthy, but the left tube is blocked.  So the bottom line is, there’s no way for me to naturally conceive a baby at this point, unless they can unblock the tube with surgery (another surgery!) and then we keep trying.  (This has a pretty low success rate, not to mention I’m nearly 37 and don’t have lots of time.)  Or, we can have IVF.  I said I’d never do IVF, that it’s too invasive, too expensive, and that I didn’t want a baby bad enough to mess with nature like that.  But now that we’re faced with that being the only choice, I’m not so sure.  

The procedure yesterday was supposed to cause “moderate cramping,” but instead I felt like I was dying the pain was so bad, I went into shock and couldn’t feel my hands or feet and almost blacked out.  They rushed me to the ER and finally got me stabilized, but I had terrible cramps the rest of the day and still don’t feel great.  When I got home and told my husband I couldn’t stop crying.  I know we still have options, it just feels different, like this isn’t the way I imagined it going.  All I wanted to do yesterday was mourn this loss with some wine.  After all, my head was saying, all this time I thought maybe my drinking was the problem with trying to conceive.  And clearly, it has nothing to do with that at all!!!  Green light!  

Luckily my husband softly reminded me that he didn’t want me doing anything that would make me feel worse about myself later.  He told me he loved me no matter what.  He stayed home from work so he could be there if I needed something and he let me lay on the couch and soak up endless episodes of Nashville.  He went out and got me a huge salad and some ice cream to wallow in instead.  

Still sober.  Coping mechanisms:  crying, girly TV shows, ice cream, popcorn, allowing myself to lounge around and feel so that I can get it out of my system.  Maybe some yoga in a little while.  The husband was right — have to choose things that will restore me right now instead of damage me further.  




19 thoughts on “wineless coping strategies”

  1. Im sorry to hear the bad news and the pain you were in. your hubby sounds wonderful…. take the time to re-coup and then you can explore all the options. sending hugs your way.

  2. Oh I am sorry to hear that you have had such awful news. It’s great that you were able to talk it through with your husband and that you didn’t drink. It wouldn’t make anything better, it never does. You have much better, more positive decisions to be making. I hope that you feel better and find the right way forward for you both.
    Big hugs Carrie

    1. Thank you so much, Carrie. Writing and receiving all of your kind and supportive comments is way better than had I woken up hungover today. I could not do this without all of you! Hugs.

  3. Oh I’m sorry to hear about this. Hugs honey. You have a pretty stand up guy there, and bravo for nurturing and conforting yourself the right way. Don’t worry too much about choices right now. The options will come when it’s time.

    1. Thank you. I’m lucky to have him for sure. And you’re right, have to give myself and him both time to let this all sink in before we jump into a decision. I appreciate the support!

  4. so sorry. Been there and know how heart-breaking all this is. Sending you lots of hugs and know that things can be ok, whatever happens on this front. xxx

  5. What courage you showed during such intense emotions. Sending a hug and may your body and spirit continue to heal, many well wishes on this sober journey.

  6. Hey there. I am really sorry about all of this. I know how hard this can all be. I am sending big hugs to you and I have you in my thoughts. Things have a way of working themselves out–your husband sounds amazing. Your lucky to have each other. You guys will get through this no matter what 🙂 Take care ❤

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