antsy…

Knew if I slowed down today I’d be struggling… I was struggling but staying busy helped me push through.  There is no better indicator of just how antsy I felt today than this:  not only did I run, do all the laundry, study, work, and organize the kitchen, I alphabetized my spices.  Yep.  If you knew me you would not be able to imagine me doing this in a million years.  I myself would never have imagined it. So either I’m going crazy, or I’m bringing to life some long-dormant organizing queen by being sober.  I prefer to envision the latter, and it may be true.  I found a totally unfamiliar but amazing feeling of satisfaction tonight in installing shelves into my cupboards, organizing the food in the pantry into categories, and aligned the glassware.  

Now my dreams are going to be all like, “anise, bay leaves, coriander, curry, fennel, ginger…”

Not so bad, actually.  A hell of a lot better than chaos and angst, so I’ll take it.  Anyone else go crazy on organizing during the first 30 days?  Or any time?

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7 thoughts on “antsy…”

  1. Yes, I too am doing this organizing thing. I think it has something to do with feeling in control. I am about 6 weeks in to my sobriety. Last night I bought a binder, dividers, and sleeves and made a “Greeting Card Organizer.” Seriously, I buy greeting cards and often they are buy 3 get 3 free at the card shop. I had a huge stack of them in a desk drawer and went through the pile when I needed a card or better yet, instead of rummaging through a pile of assorted cards I went and purchased new cards.

    If you spent any time with me, you would not expect to find a card organizer at my desk.
    Additionally, I have been pulling out drawers, sorting and tossing and just feeling real good about it.

    Thanks for sharing, you are not alone (:

    1. Definitely the need to feel in control is there. I also just have all this TIME to fill where I used to just relax and drink. Still have to figure out how to relax without booze, but hopefully that will come. In the meantime… it’s project city. At least we’re productive! Thanks for taking the time to read/respond!

    1. Thanks! I can’t deny that it’s satisfying to see the things I’m getting done, even if I feel a nagging discomfort underneath. I’m trusting that will fade with time if I can just keep going.

  2. I feel really happy when things are organized too, it’s energetically really calming to exist in a decluttered/clean space. My boyfriend thinks it’s so funny when I “feng” the room. (feng shui). I think the farther along in the process I get, the more I realize that changing is uncomfortable. I have accepted that I will be constantly challenged to grow new skills and insights because I was not growing when I was drinking. I was not cognizant. Now, you sound a lot like me in the over-analysis dept….just take a minute to breathe and as long as your distractions/escape from drinking isn’t hurting anyone it’s ok. You won’t always feel like this, is what I always tell myself. And it’s true! I am reading a book you might find useful, called The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. It is like a chess game for changing daily habits. Slow moves and changes, evolving into a completely new self. Just a slight shift to a slightly more positive behavior every day will lead you to a totally different level over time. If cleaning your spice rack is how you don’t drink right now, great! So important that you just don’t drink. There will be time to work on your comfort with uncertainty/discomfort/control issues later on. Bug hugs! ~OTS

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