So, I don’t know about all you dear fellow sober bloggers, but I expected to feel like a million bucks as a reward for sticking to this challenge. Today is day 24. Which for me, means that once I get up tomorrow morning and start day 25, I will officially have been sober for longer than ever. Well, at least since I was 21. Probably since I was 17 or 18, but I don’t remember ever giving it any thought back then, and back then alcohol was not the only thing I was up to.
The problem I’m having today, and this is just a minor, regular old life problem, is that I’m sick with a cold. A pretty bad one. The kind that makes it hurt to open your eyes and swallow cold water. The kind where you try to lie down on one side, and next thing you know you can only breathe through one nostril while the pressure mounts in the side of your head closest to the pillow, and you tolerate it as long as possible until you feel like your face is going to explode and then you turn over for the few moments of relief before the congestion settles in the other side.
So, no big deal. I have a cold. Whip out your tiniest violin. I know. But I’m just so frustrated, because I expected to be reaping the full-on rewards of this amazing self-care I’ve been working so hard at! How could I possibly come down with a cold when I’m not even abusing my immune system, and normally I’m really very resistant to illness! I realize this sounds ridiculous but I can’t help but feel personally affronted by the nerve of this cold to take up residence in my very well nourished, vitamin-taking, alcohol free body! So I had to just vent a little.
On top of that, you would think, well at least being sick makes you not want to drink, right? Wrong. I am so bored lying around my house all day that I’ve been over thinking everything. Like so many of you have said, the early stages are proving to be exhausting with all the thinking. It’s like I’m actually getting on my own nerves. Watching TV tonight, there was a scene with women getting ready to go to a dinner party and of course, drinking white wine. I was fixated on the glass of white wine. I could taste it. I was insanely jealous of the woman on TV, casually drinking her wine. If I had any wine in the house I probably would have caved. Maybe not, I think I have more invested than that, but the craving caught me off-guard, especially since I know that if I drank even a sip my already pounding head would get so much worse!
One thing I am learning is that I need to have some strategies in place for when those moments hit. If I’m at home with no liquor in the house, perfect. I can get over it. But like this Friday for example, when my house will be full of colleagues and all kinds of booze… (throwing our office holiday party… something I committed to before taking this on and probably a bad idea but too late to back out). Yeah. Suggestions for getting through Friday would be more than welcomed!!
For today, I’m just glad to be here, at my longest-ever sobriety date. Cold aside, it feels pretty great.